Have you ever experienced a dense fog?
I have. And I really couldn’t see my way through it. Being a visionary and not being able to see was like not existing at all. Which, looking back might be what led to suicidal thoughts. I was also experiencing a much deeper longing, like something was trying to wake up inside of me and I just didn’t know how to see it yet.
July 14th, 2006 was the day I finally decided to leave my husband. Knowing, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life being mistreated, watching him self-destruct or be constantly walking on eggshells.
When you feel overwhelmed and stressed, it is difficult to see clearly. Being bogged down with competing demands leaves you feeling depleted with no time to engage in self-care. In fact in can feel like you’ve lost yourself altogther.
During my marriage I was led by the need to do everything “right.” I was very loyal and dedicated to others at that time in my life, however it was fear-based and led by feelings of obligation and guilt that appeared as “love.” My own needs were mixed into fulfilling the needs of others, and I lost touch with who I was.
When you are motivated by fear, obligation, and guilt (What I refer to as the FOG), you run the risk of becoming “dispirited.” You move further away from a deeper connection and unplugged from a higher source of power, and end up feeling power-less.
Even in my darkest moments, on some level I knew there had to be something more. My growing self-awareness allowed me to see how resentful, angry and hostile I had become. Perhaps it was my Soul that kept my inner light alive, motivating me to find purpose, passion and meaning for my existence in the world during that time.
The relationship became abusive and took its toll as it became more and more dysfunctional. I felt helpless to change the situation. In a moment of desperation for peace, I left. I took one item that was most important to me in case I never returned, got in my car, and drove to the end of the road. I stopped at the stop sign wondering which way to turn. Where was I going to go? I had not thought of that, just that I had to leave.
I learned that we get to where we need to go because we steer ourselves in that direction and do not always know every detail. The traumatic experiences I had gone through, along with confusion, doubt and chaos, humbled me from my normal role as a counsellor who knew how to cope with anything and began asking the Universe for signs and guidance to lead me onto a higher path and rise above my current circumstances. This awareness fuelled me to do things differently. In fact, it felt like a whole Rebirth.
It’s that same guidance I tap into now, to offer insight to my clients. One of them shared that, “My sessions with Jennifer cleared a number of emotional attitudes and beliefs I have held deep within my being that were inhibiting my connection with my truest desires. After each session she shared valuable insights that gave me concrete direction to immediately apply into my life.”
The beginning of transformation involves saying “YES!” to what is life supportive for you. You must take back your power. It’s taking self-responsibility for creating a better reality.
It’s how you align with your deepest passion, and direct the life you are meant to live. If you dissect the word passion, you’ll notice it turn into “pass I on”. The “I” is your soul’s expression of what you are meant to “pass on” in this life journey.
I wrote a book called, Embrace Your Power: A Healing Journal of Self-Discovery which goes into more detail about all of this. A local newspaper reporter interviewed me for the book and entitled the article, “Determine Your Destiny”. I really like that, and have it now as the tagline for my business which is Lighting The Path.
I love this quote by Maya Angelou and although it mentions woman, I believe it’s really for anyone, “A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination”.
Now, and after many pivots in my career path after being a counsellor, I specialize in helping Thought Leaders, Visionaries and Creatives direct the life they are meant to live so they can make create global impact, make the impossible possible, and fulfill their life mission.
I was really glad I took that item, a picture of my dad who alive and in spirit kept me feeling safe, because when I went back, almost everything else was destroyed. Clothes were cut up, other items were broken and shattered. The good news is “I” was not.
You too, deserve a life of deep meaning and satisfaction, that expresses who you truly are. If you’d like some help with that, I’m here for you!